I’m still thinking about Bioshock. I haven’t even played the game – I only watched it – yet it’s on my mind. Perhaps the critics were right: there’s something about this game that hits you on a deeper level.

Lately I’ve been wondering, how did Bioshock remain scary without anyone jumping out in the demo? It may be because of the frightening story of a utopia gone wrong, where little girls become soulless monsters and people brutally kill their best friends. Still, I can’t help thinking that it’s more than that.

In Bioshock, you are an outsider in the city, so you don’t really care about it, but the horror of the game still affects you on some level. The game encourages you to loot corpses. Many games do this, and it is probably essential to survival in many of those hypothetical plots, but does that make it right? The splicers are selfish beings who kill each other and are only out for themselves. If you loot corpses and kill splicers, you essentially become a splicer yourself.

When first entering the city of Rapture, there is a scene where one splicer attacks another. These attacks happen in front of you multiple times. I kept expecting there to be a “good” side and a “bad” side – like some sort of resistance. My friend informed me that the story of the game explains how the resistance has been defeated, making your situation more hopeless. However, I was surprised by the lack of a companion. Outside of the companion accessible through the radio, there is really no one checking in with you. No one in this game seems to be “on your side” – no one wants to help you get out alive unless they believe it will help them (like the radio guide).

These factors help to isolate you and make your situation all the more desperate. I keep thinking back to that scene where the splicer was drilled by the Big Daddy. The gore didn’t bother me, but the lack of emotion I felt did. Why didn’t I care about this city and the fact that people were tearing themselves apart? Why did I find myself laughing at the monstrous little girl when she said normal children’s words in a creepy voice?

It seems that games allow us to have an unnatural separation from the morals we use in daily life. Perhaps this is a motivation for some to play. I am personally shocked by the way in which I slip into this lax sense of morality. While watching my friend play Bioshock, I would ask him if he checked this or that corpse in the corner to make sure he raided all the items. I saw enemies like tasks on a to-list: kill him, kill her, and kill that one over there.

It is common to separate ourselves from the enemy in games, but does that make it right? People separate themselves from enemies in wars so they can kill them. We voluntarily play games against enemies that are very human in nature, from Germans in war games to zombies. I have no problem at all killing monsters in games, but killing people in the virtual space feels different. I have no problem with other people playing these games since the vast majority seems to have a strong distinction between reality and virtual worlds. However, I don’t like the part of myself that can human enemies like animals to slaughter, so it may be hard for me to ever have the desire to buy a game like Bioshock.  

I didn’t think I’d want to see Bioshock. I’m way too jumpy for scary games and I prefer to play games in fantasy worlds that I’d actually want to visit. I downloaded the Bioshock demo for a friend so I could watch the game without actually playing it. That way, if it got too scary, I could always run away.

I was about to leave my friend alone to play the game but I hesitated before leaving the room. I had heard so many great things about this game from fans and critics alike; I figured it wouldn’t hurt me to watch the opening cutscene.

I was immediately drawn in by the sharp visuals, particularly the stunning water effects. This was one of the first games I saw with the HDMI plug on my HDTV, making it stand out among so many games I’d seen. From the plane crash in the beginning to the neon lights in the dimly-lit city of Rapture, the visual design was simply stunning.

I was surprised that the demo didn’t explore the scare factor that I was dreading. I was able to watch a good 30 minutes of gameplay in the creepy atmosphere without once experiencing something jumping out of the dark. This meant that I didn’t scream, but I did see something shocking.

As my friend was going through the game, he came upon a scene with a girl repeatedly jabbing a corpse’s butt. After venturing closer, a scene plays where a guy gets vividly drilled by a Big Daddy. I was impressed by the game’s ability to smoothly transition from gameplay to interactive cutscene. I’ve heard that Half-Life 2 employed a similar technique, but with the visuals in Bioshock, it was impressive. Blood never really bothers me, but I was certainly shocked by the fact that the player could bring their character so close to the scene and still remain undetected.

After watching my friend play through the entire Bioshock demo, I am convinced that perfection is very subjective. Critics have rated this game incredibly high, but I have a hard time believing that everyone would rate it a similar score, at least for its appeal. I have never been drawn to survival horror games like this. Near perfect gaming experiences for me must include lovely worlds like those in Okami and Eternal Sonata. Although I may appreciate the lightning powers, the perfectly rendered water effects, the seamless cutscenes and the atmosphere, I don’t think that I would ever enjoy playing this game. I have seen enough to know what a splicer is and to know that this game is probably very good for its genre, but certainly not a good fit for me.  

Recently, I have discovered that there are two basic types of RPGs: the kind where you have a little group of friends to fight alongside you and the kind where you’re pretty much on your own. When I tell people I love RPGs, I mean that I love RPGs like Final Fantasy where you have those virtual friends. I do not mean that I love RPGs like Oblivion where you pretty much run around on your own and the camera follows the character around as if it’s a third-person shooter.

I had heard that Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR) was a great RPG. I am a fan of Star Wars and many of my nerdiest friends had basically told me that KOTOR was the best Star Wars game ever made. I had the feeling it was the no-friends type of RPG, but so many of my friends recommended it that I felt I should give it a try.

I had purchased the game just after buying my 360, counting on it to be a great experience. One hour into the game, I wondered if I had made an unfortunate mistake. While it was certainly Star Wars, it was feeling less and less like a game I wanted to play. To begin, you can customize your character. I knew very little about the game and didn’t care about character stats and intensive customization. I just wanted to try the game out, so I went with recommended stats and chose the female character that looked the least mannish.

The game began with a stuttering cutscene of a ship under attack that made the game look incredibly dated. I soon gained control of my customized character and had to run around a ship. Finding my way through the ship was easy enough, especially as there was basically only one exit in each area. The battle system felt staged and boring, as characters would attack in turns but there was one attack “mode”. Moving my character while this attack mode was engaged would cancel my actions. So, much like World of Warcraft, I got to sit back and watch my character attack automatically unless I was struck by the sudden desire to use a special attack or a healing item. There seemed to be little thought required here – a stark contrast to the many options allowed just minutes ago when customizing my character.

I continued through the game and ended up in Taris. I ran around, talking to many people. I had a companion who followed me around at this point but he said little and was pracitally useless. I got lost in a circular maze of a bar and had to consult my map (in the menu). After consulting the menu a few times, I grew increasingly frustrated by its complexity. The attempt to visually map things out such as character stats and equipping items in a grid seemed overly complex. There were so many options that I had trouble finding what I wanted. To make things more difficult, this was the first real Xbox game I had played on the 360, so I was continually confused when the game kept asking me to press the black and white buttons (now bumpers in a completely different area of the controller). This was not the game’s fault, but it wore down my patience.

After half an hour of talking to people and exploring the town, I had no idea where to go. Perhaps I am just one of those people who has to have a strategy guide in order to enjoy RPGs. I would like to think that KOTOR is more like an adventure game, so I would not need a guide. Unfortunately, I got stuck shortly after going to the one “event” to which I was invited. It was some sort of Sith party. When I went to the party, I was greeted by the man I had met earlier and then saw a short cutscene where the attendees joked about drinking too much. The cutscene ended and I heard a “clunk” noise. I looked around and everyone at the party was on the floor, unconscious, and no one in the surrounding apartments cared. The one lead I had stopped dead on the floor with the Sith party.

I was frustrated with my first experience of KOTOR. The game seemed burdened by dialogue that continued to refer to at least five people I had never seen or met. I was forced to ask stupid questions because I had so little background and constant remarks like, “You really aren’t from around here, are you?” made me feel even more like an outsider. Perhaps I take such comments too personally.

I wanted so badly for this game to take me away into the Star Wars universe. I really hoped that I could break out of my habit of playing turn-based RPGs with happy parties of friends. I may give KOTOR another shot in the future, but next time, it will probably be with a strategy guide to serve as my faithful companion.  

Out of all the demos I downloaded off Xbox Live the other day, I was most excited to try out two RPGs: Eternal Sonata and Blue Dragon. I had heard a lot about both and they were part of what motivated me to finally buy a 360.

I had already pre-ordered Eternal Sonata so I decided to play it first. I was immediately impressed by the vibrant colors and the richly detailed landscape. This world felt so alive, from the variation in the foliage to the distinct personalities of the NPCs. It had a great soundtrack based on Chopin’s music, which appealed to the classical musician in me. While it certainly has a few flaws, I realized that this just might be the immersive experience that I have been craving.

Eternal Sonata has a fast-paced battle system that feels like a cross between Kingdom Hearts and the traditional turn-based Final Fantasies. Characters’ movements can be controlled during a limited attack time. The position of a character can greatly change their attack and defense. For example, enemies have a harder time defending against attacks when the attacker is behind them. There are also two special attacks that become available depending on if a character is standing in the light or in shadows. I appreciated all this attention to detail. While the battle system did seem to have a high learning curve, at least for a demo, its original approach pulled me into the game immediately.

Like any other game, Eternal Sonata does have some flaws. The characters speak audible lines sometimes, such as when a battle begins. Some of these lines sound really stupid, including a little boy exclaiming, “C’mon! C’mon! C’mon!” I’m hoping that these lines sounded better in Japanese. Also, my QA tester training helped me to find two bugs in the half-hour demo. I was slightly disappointed, considering the obviously high production value of the game, but most commercial games do have bugs. Sometimes these bugs are reported and closed simply because there is no time to change them anymore.

I really enjoyed the Eternal Sonata demo. It had a nice pace and the demo limits felt natural, not confining. From the user-friendly menu to the inviting fantasy world, it seemed like a polished game that will be a lot of fun for me. Eternal Sonata combines two of my favorite genres: music/rhythm games and RPGs. I’m looking forward to buying it.

However, the Blue Dragon demo hardly sold me on the much-hyped RPG. First, I was disgusted by the childish art style and the ridiculous voices. When the opening cutscene began, I felt like I was watching cheap anime in 3D. I understand that Akira Toriyama of Dragon Ball Z was responsible for the character designs, but I am of the belief that some designs just don’t translate as well into HD. I had no problem with Dragon Ball Z designs in 2D, but in 3D they look wrong. It’s simply too perfect and, frankly, a bit frightening to see things like bloated heads, vacant eyes, and giant portly puppies in three realistic dimensions.

I hate to dismiss a game entirely on its artistic style. I have boycotted a couple, like Psychonauts, for this reason, but I wanted to give Blue Dragon a chance. After all, Hironobu Sakaguchi, who directed the first five Final Fantasy games, and famed Final Fantasy composer Nobuo Uematsu were involved. This game must have some redeeming qualities.

I continued past the first cutscene and found myself plagued by laborious tutorial dialogue from frightening giant animals such as the previously mentioned portly puppy. While illustrative screenshots attempted to break up the monotony, there was way too much information to absorb at once. I much prefer in-battle tutorials or other more interactive forms of instruction. I was practically asleep by the time I began the game.

I ran around and fought some enemies, but my entire party attacked with these gigantic genie-like creatures. It was never explained how or why these creatures attacked for us – they could have been anything from alien parasites to manifestations of the warriors’ souls. While it did seem cool, I was left scratching my head and it took my focus away from combat. When my allies needed healing, I explored the magic menus. I was immediately overwhelmed by almost 30 different spells, all at my disposal. Also, I had a large party and it appeared as if only one or two members could actually heal other people and yet they wouldn’t even get a turn in several fights. Desperate to heal my allies, I opened the menu to see if I could heal out of battles.

The menu appeared very industrial and was immediately overwhelming. Compared to the simpler, more friendly menu in Eternal Sonata, this was quite a shock. In a demo, there is no need for hundreds of spells and items. Since the game timer allows one hour to play the game, it is nearly impossible to even cast every spell in the time allotted. While I did find my healing spells within a few minutes, I was deeply disappointed in the overwhelming amount of items and the lack of direction after the hasty, dull tutorial.

I am definitely not pre-ordering Blue Dragon. If the gameplay or story could capture my attention, I would be willing to overlook the ridiculous visuals and childish voices. Unfortunately, my high expectations were met with disappointment in what felt like a hastily assembled demo. I am just glad that I have the Eternal Sonata demo to play, as I would be happy to check it out again.  

What do you do with a new Xbox 360? I had played plenty of games on the 360, but I had never been able to fully explore Xbox Live. I had just read about a new demo of Beautiful Katamari released earlier that morning, which inspired me to download 10 other demos. It was Demo Day.

Once downloading was complete, I couldn't wait to check out Katamari in HD. The manager of an EB Games had told me that the HDMI connection would make a noticeable difference in quality from the component HD cables. He was right – the HD was as clean as any computer monitor. The colors were more vibrant and the text was the sharpest I’ve seen.

I was expecting the Beautiful Katamari demo to begin with a nice little movie of more of the random animals and colors that can make anyone wonder if they’re on some sort of hallucinogenic drug. Sadly, it was just a three-minute level that I easily failed. I am no stranger to Katamari, and I was slightly disappointed by the lack of content. The gameplay itself felt pretty natural. The move from the symmetric PS2 analog sticks to the offset 360 sticks was surprisingly easy. The vibrant world did look even better in HD, but I did feel that three minutes was way too short for me to get addicted again.

The next demo I played was for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I had heard earlier that the game had captured Johnny Depp’s signature Jack Sparrow walk and I was curious to see what it was like to play as a pirate. The walk itself did look great, as did some of the other movements that obviously used motion capture technology.

However, the walk was highly impractical when most of the demo required running, if not sprinting. The sets and costumes seemed to fit the setting very well, but the camera angles made the game difficult to appreciate. I had to continually adjust my camera, especially to see the highlights on the floor of enemies preparing to attack (necessary to execute counterattacks). The battle system itself felt spontaneous and slightly simplistic, but I felt that it suited the pirate theme. One of the most frustrating aspects was the fact that different voice actors were used than the actors from the movies and the story lay slightly outside the movie. I didn’t quite understand what was going on and the demo seemed to end suddenly.

I then moved on to another movie game: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I am a fan of the Harry Potter series, but I have never played any of the games due to their typically mediocre reviews. I never wanted to ruin the magic of the series, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try a demo.

The world of Harry Potter looked very accurately represented in the game – visually, it was practically a digital version of the movie sets, props, and characters. Many of the voice actors seemed different, which bothered me immediately, but I was still willing to look past it if the gameplay was strong. I began in a courtyard and could talk to many people. Unfortunately, the first person I chose to talk to happened to initiate a game of gobstones from which I had no escape. I played the game for several minutes and lost. It was a close match, but I had no desire to play again when there were so many other things to explore.

I wandered around the courtyard, trying out a couple of spells and talking to a few people. The spell mechanics felt slightly clumsy compared to the apparent elegance of using a wand. Also, I found that talking to people became a bit disturbing – the faces were so similar to the actors in HD that they had begun to cross into the uncanny valley. About two minutes after finishing my game of gobstones, the game flashed a one minute demo ending warning. I raced around, trying to do something so I could figure out what this game was all about. I had just learned about another area of the school when my demo ended. If the game is at all like the demo, it seems like you just walk around and talk to people most of the time. That has never been my favorite part of games. Although this game seemed to faithfully recreate much of the book, I felt that it failed to capture the same sense of fun.

Three demos later, I was not sold on any game. Beautiful Katamari is probably the only game I would consider buying, but I should probably finish the original game first. Despite the disappointment I felt while playing some of these games, I feel that playing demos is hardly a waste of time. I can learn so much so quickly about a game by being immersed in it and playing through several minutes. I was glad to experience three games from series I enjoy without the pressure or expense of a rental.  

After much deliberation and a well-timed price drop, I decided it was time to buy an Xbox 360. I was just about to order one from Amazon.com when a friend asked me, “Since you have an HDTV, don’t you want to wait for HDMI?”

The answer was no, but I ended up doing more thinking and had a long discussion with the owner of an EB Games. He convinced me that the black Elite console really was cooler, as I would need the extra 100GB of space and I could have my HDMI hookup right then. Later that day, I was at a Target in Oregon. There is no sales tax there, so I finally said those magical words, “Excuse me, I’d like to buy an Xbox 360 Elite.”

I had the magical console in my hands and was eagerly awaiting the moment when I could call it mine. I scanned my credit card in the card reader and looked up. The young man trying to sell me my Xbox just 20 minutes before closing was on the phone with my credit card company. Unless someone had stolen my credit card number, there was no way I could have maxed out my card. My mother came to my rescue and the console was mine. I walked out of the store gleefully, and then noticed a thirty-something couple gawking at my purchase on the way out of the store. I must’ve looked unusual, since I was a little blonde girl lugging that heavy console as if it were my own.

The next day, I received a call from the fraud department. They wanted to know if I had charged over $450 at a Target in Oregon. Ten minutes later, I discovered that the sales guy must’ve hit the wrong button and accidentally marked my purchase as fraud. My mom’s explanation was that I had made the guy flustered since I had one of the coolest summer jobs and was going to school to make games. I wasn't sure about that, but I was relieved to find out that I was the only supposedly fraudulent person using my credit card.

Later, I went to a mall with my mother and I convinced her to let me stop in the game store. I found exactly what I was looking for: a pristine used copy of the Xbox game Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Since I never owned an Xbox, I missed out on this one, but now the 360’s backwards compatibility changed that. Several of my friends love that game and I was very excited to own it. I walked up to the counter and stared to buy it. “Is this for you?” asked the salesman. I was proud to say that it was, but part of me wanted to roll my eyes. Why was everyone looking at me like I was some sort of intriguing alien every time I did anything concerning Xboxes?

Just then, my mom met me at the counter. She smiled at the salesman and then said, “She tested games in L.A. all summer and she’s going to school at USC so she can follow her dream of being a video game producer.” Uh, thanks Mom. I think this made the salesman a little uncomfortable, as he explained his own interest in games and how he had been taking classes at the local community college. My mom wished him good luck and we left the store.

The next morning, we drove to the airport so I could fly back to L.A. I had bought way too much stuff, so I had to carry on my Xbox 360 along with my purse and a tote bag. I went to go through security and put my purse and tote in the machine, followed by the 360. I hurried through the metal detector in my socks and was about to grab my purse when I was called back. I had to run back through so I could take my 360 out of the box. Torn between leaving my purse unattended on one side and 360 unattended on the other, I hesitated a moment. Then I ran back to the 360 and took it out of the box as quickly as possible.

“Please remember, we need all DVD Players, laptops and Xboxes to be scanned separately!” shouted the TSA officials. I’m sure no one else had an Xbox, but the all decided to say it, just for me.

“So, are you hooked?” asked an older TSA man.

“Actually, it’s what I want to do for a living,” I said, smiling.

“So how much was that thing?” he asked.

“$450!” I shouted as I ran through the metal detector again, relieved to be reunited with my purse.

I didn’t have enough time to hide the 360 in the simple, strong canvas bag my mom had loaned me until I reached my gate. I was definitely proud of my console, but the little boy who shouted, “Look Mom! An Xbox!” reminded me of my desire to carry such a high-profile item under the radar. That one console had definitely drawn more than enough attention to me already.  

Summer is coming to an end. For me, this meant leaving the regular workforce and returning to school. I have never had a summer job like testing games and it is surely an experience that I will never forget.

“Was QA what you expected?” A coworker asked me this during my last week. I was speechless. After all, what did I expect? I vaguely remember thinking that the testers sat on beanbag chairs with clipboards, staring intently at huge, glowing screens in a darkened room. This was not quite the reality, and the work environment certainly surprised me.

QA is typically a low-level, temporary job, so it attracts a wide variety of people. What I didn’t expect was finding so many smart people. It takes a certain kind of person to play games all day, and there were definitely a lot of passionate gamers. Questions like “Alliance or Horde?” are never out of place. People tended to have similar hobbies, like reading comics. News of free comics in the break room created a crowd that would rival that of a once-a-year designer bargain sale. I once had a conversation with a friend about how he used to hide his nerdiness from his friends, but when he became a tester, he suddenly felt like he was the least nerdy of us all.

I am certainly going to miss some things about my testing job. I had a lot of fun being one of the only girls. I would overhear guys talking about how their girlfriends did the most puzzling things or sharing dirty jokes. I was treated like one of the guys most of the time and it was a lot of fun. I kept thinking how ironic it is that I once wanted to be a journalist for womens’ magazines – I could’ve gathered great source material for an article about what men really think about when they’re not around their girlfriends.

The sense of camaraderie will probably be what I miss most. There’s an unmistakable bond that grows between people who spend nearly all day together (especially during overtime). By the end of my few months, I knew what my coworkers liked to eat and drink; I also knew many of their hobbies and most of their girlfriends’ names. It was fun to have inside jokes about our game and repeat the silliest lines at opportune moments. It’s weird to think that I left that entire world behind and I will never see most of those people again.

I’m really glad that I was able to spend a summer doing QA. It feels great to actually be a face behind a game – I ended the summer with my name in the credits of two games. I am proud to have been a part of my testing team and have a small piece in the production of a few games. I hope this is only one of many steps into my career in the video game industry.