I have never owned a Nintendo console until I purchased my Wii last December. I feel a little bit embarrassed to admit it, especially when many of my gamer classmates all have fond memories of Mario and Zelda. They can go on and on for hours, talking about their favorite Super Smash Bros. tournaments or nodding knowingly at someone’s Mario shirt. I wondered about this secret club of Children Who Grew Up with Nintendo and hoped to someday understand.

Perhaps that was why I decided to try playing the old-school Super Mario Bros. I loaded the game up and pressed all the buttons, trying to figure out what to do. I figured out how to move forward and jump, and did okay for a little bit. Then I found a nice chasm and seemed to have a magnetic attraction to it. If falling off a cliff didn’t killed me, I seemed to accidentally hit some random googly-eyed enemy within seconds. I had to admit the hopeless truth: I was a Mario Moron. I couldn’t even make it past the first level.

I quit the Super Nintendo game in frustration, hoping that failing at Mario didn’t mean that I was a failure as a gamer. I hoped to someday conquer it, but I didn’t try again until recently, with the New Super Mario Bros. for DS. I had originally seen this game last May while I was in Japan. The DS Lite had just been released there, and I would often see the commercial for New Super Mario Bros. on the train. It showed a young Japanese woman sitting on her bed at home, talking to the game as she played. I thought it was neat that they showed a girl playing, but it didn’t make me want a DS. I thought they were nice, but why would I want something so small? I changed my mind recently and haven’t regretted my choice.

New Super Mario Bros. was the second game I got for the DS. I had heard great things about it, and I was excited to play. I started the game and soon had difficulty getting past the first level. Again. I now owned the game, and I didn’t want to give up so easily. I took my DS with me later that day when I my sister and I were getting haircuts. After I had my hair done, I sat by the front desk, playing Mario with ridiculously good-looking hair. One of the other stylists sat near me and snuck a few peeks at my game. I’m sure he must’ve thought I was a little odd.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far in the game, but I did get past the first level. I figured out a few things, like when to jump to kill enemies and how the physics change when you grow or shrink. I made it past the first two or three levels, but that wasn’t enough to save. I was frustrated because I couldn’t save after each level. I should probably just read the manual, but I still don’t know how to save. I’m hoping that, when I get better, I will earn the privilege to save.

I haven’t played Mario much since that day at the salon. After becoming obsessed with Elite Beat Agents, I think it will be hard for me to play much else until I’ve completed that game. The only reason I brought Mario to the salon instead of Elite Beat Agents was the fact that Mario didn't need any sound to succeed. I think it just requires more patience and perseverance on my part. I hoping that, if I stick with Mario a little longer, someday I will no longer be a Mario Moron.